Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I can't wait for anime con season to start again. If you've never been it's the one place where anyone can fit in and virtually anything is considered socially acceptable, for better or worse. Anyone who complains about being a virgin has never been to a con, because I have seen even the most socially awkward people get laid. But it's not just about sex. No where else have I played Settlers of Catan for 10 hours in a row, or walked into random hotel rooms and been challenged to a drinking contest just for being there. They really do develop a society of their own for the weekend they exist. Call me a nerd but there is something universally appealing about being around 25,000 people that you know right way you have something in common with.

And by the end of the weekend, I think this picture sums it up best.

My kitty

Her name is Chairman Meow Tse Tung.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


A hot topic that always seems to come up is dating and how to approach it. I'd kind of like your guys feedback as well. And I'm not talking about "traps" here, I'm talking about a transgender person who will be a girl someday. If you were at a bar and were having fun with some girl you're really attracted to and she is transgender(you don't know this yet), how soon do you think that she should mention it to you? Some people say that it is her obligation to mention it to you almost right away and that waiting till later is tantamount to lying. I personally believe that it's something that shouldn't be mentioned until later. My thinking is that I want you to get to know me for who I am. My looks, my personality, my laugh. The things that actually define who I am. I've been through it where I've mentioned it to people really early and that suddenly becomes the only deciding factor for them and they ignore almost everything else. But when I don't mention it a first, when they do find out it's typically positive along the lines of "I like you despite being transgender".

So I guess my question to my readers is how would you feel in a situation like this? And if you do think that transgenders should make it know early about they're problem, what should you be required to reveal upfront? STD? Divorce? Being bi? How do we rank the importance of such things? At least in my case my issue is temporary; eventually I will be the girl you would want. All I would be asking for would be patience while I work through it.

Saturday, September 25, 2010


Something that people don't often know about people in my situation is that the changes aren't just physical. Just as as athlete on testosterone becomes more aggressive, so do I go the opposite. Due to my issues and being embarrassed about it I tended to keep to myself a lot, so I developed a good emotional barrier. Eventually nothing bothered me. I went through a parent's divorce, deaths in the family and untold relationship problems and I could take it all in stride, never shed a tear. And it feels strange that I can't do that now. I was just reading through a thread on sad stories last night and after reading two about cats dying I actually had to stop because I was crying thinking about my cat and how she will die some day. Where I used to be able to break up with someone and laugh while doing it I'm know reduced to uncontrollable sobbing when my boyfriend is mad at me.

So here I am getting ready to work on a Saturday I should have off, and I can't help but think how I'm not cut out for it anymore. I work as a debt collector, which is obviously a job that requires some thick skin. I'm not bad at it, but it's getting tougher for me. All day I listen to people's stories of the woe and tragedy they've gone through. Job losses, divorces, death's in the family. I had a 75 year old man cry on the phone because he was so far in debt and was a burden on his family when he was always the provider. And I just want to tell these people that they don't have to pay, that I can make it all better. But I can't, and instead am forced to demand money from them. And when they do pay it feels like I've stolen from them, that I've kicked them while they're down. And when I get my check at the end of the month based on what I collect I just look at it and think "That man could have taken care of his family with this".

It's just a strange feeling knowing how strong you've been and not being able to be that way again. But it's not all grim, because in turn I've become a better person. Now that I actually feel I've managed to have a long term relationship. I've reconnected with my father who I've distanced for so long for petty reasons. I'm an overall nicer and more caring person, so I don't regret this one bit. So all I can say for anyone else out there that prides themselves on how callous they are and how nothing bothers them, I can only suggest that you don't know what you are missing in life. It took me lots of therapy and medication to learn this and I hope you don't have to do the same.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Q and A Time

Since I've got time I thought I'd start by answering a few questions that were posted:

>Which direction are you transgender? Male-Female or Female-Male? Keep up the blog, i'm sure it can be tough to talk about it.

I am male to female. I officially started on hormone therapy one year ago, and now live every day as a female, though I am still officially male.

>Has it been rough being transgender in the midwest, sorry for stereotyping though.
>does the midwest really tolerate it?

Heh, thought that might come up. The few religious people I've spoken with on the matter didn't really seem to like it, but I've never encountered outright resentment or hatred of any kind. The worst I've gotten is had a guy change his mind at the bar when he finds out(though they don't always. ^_^).

I attribute a lot of this to simply blending in. I'm 5 foot even and weigh 100 pounds. I've been mistaken for a girl all my life. 98% of the people I meet don't have the slightest clue.

I may consider posting some pictures(tastful of course) in the future but I really want this to be more informative and less "Small tits or GTFO!".

So that's out of the way

So I guess a little about myself. I'm 25, live in the Midwest and have been living the full transgender life for about 1 year now. Before that was just the usual crossdressing at anime cons and random events. I'm 5 foot nothing and look exactly like my mother, something to be said for biology. I'm very much a nerd of many stripes.

I'm mostly going to post my experiences and in turn my thoughts on the issues that affect people like me. Don't worry it's not going to be preachy, and I encourage open ended discussion. I'll post more when I have the time. So to be slightly cliche, feel free to follow me through the looking glass and see how deep it goes.

Let's give this a shot...

Life as a transgender person is odd. So I finally decided for my own purposes that I wanted to talk about some of the things I go through.  It's had ups and downs, hilarious moments and crushing defeats. But maybe someone will think what I have to say means something. So we'll just have to see.