Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dating...

A hot topic that always seems to come up is dating and how to approach it. I'd kind of like your guys feedback as well. And I'm not talking about "traps" here, I'm talking about a transgender person who will be a girl someday. If you were at a bar and were having fun with some girl you're really attracted to and she is transgender(you don't know this yet), how soon do you think that she should mention it to you? Some people say that it is her obligation to mention it to you almost right away and that waiting till later is tantamount to lying. I personally believe that it's something that shouldn't be mentioned until later. My thinking is that I want you to get to know me for who I am. My looks, my personality, my laugh. The things that actually define who I am. I've been through it where I've mentioned it to people really early and that suddenly becomes the only deciding factor for them and they ignore almost everything else. But when I don't mention it a first, when they do find out it's typically positive along the lines of "I like you despite being transgender".

So I guess my question to my readers is how would you feel in a situation like this? And if you do think that transgenders should make it know early about they're problem, what should you be required to reveal upfront? STD? Divorce? Being bi? How do we rank the importance of such things? At least in my case my issue is temporary; eventually I will be the girl you would want. All I would be asking for would be patience while I work through it.

18 comments:

  1. I would like to know if & when the connection becomes physical- even hand holding. At that point the person has to decide if this is something they are okay with or not.

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  2. :\. That's not really true. You will trans. You will, perhaps have genitalia that will look right.

    But your genitalia will never function like that of someone that was born a woman. You will never give birth...Among other things.

    To me, you should tell them. Because, as much as you wish it were true, and in some senses you are becoming female...it's cosmetic. It's your mind, and plastic surgery.

    And sadly, for some people, that will matter. That will matter a lot. And they WILL feel betrayed.

    Now the question is, do you actually want to BE with someone that would have an ISSUE with this?

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  3. Nihilo: That seems like a fine enough idea to me.

    Drackar: Well yes I won't ever be able to reproduce and such, but I think I made it clear that I'd be telling them daily early on, I mean like end of first date. Medical science has come a long way, and the only difference is not having a kid. So obviously if that was a problem for them I wouldn't pursue it.

    So I didn want to sounds like I'm going to betray someone. I just don't think it needs to mentioned super early like some people want.

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  4. All the traps I know I met online first and they told me upfront. Generally I'm a really chill guy and it didn't bother me. I can understand the fear and inherent danger around it all.

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  5. Can't say I can help you there. Dating's pretty foreign to me. Kudos to you for staying true to who you are, though.

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  6. I would want to know asap. But then again if you told me i would most likely be freaked out and not into it....so i think you just have to use your own discretion.

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  7. Probably after the point of definite interest, and before the point of a physical relationship. I'm not up on current SRS techniques, so I really can't say how most guys would take the news, but it's a really big thing. Not to mention how a large portion of heterosexual males are pretty insecure in their masculinity. Personally, I would lose interest (mainly because the only reason I can think of for looking for a relationship would be to pass on my genes, so I'm not exactly typical). Not trying to be disparaging though. It's just really high priority for disclosure.

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  8. You know what they say, every relationship ends until one doesn't.

    ((Return the love<3))

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  9. im enjoying this post

    beck http://r9k.blogspot.com

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  10. I think it would be important to tell them after the relationship moves physical. Like soon after kissing starts, you know before they grab your dong.

    If you are trying to get a one night stand at a bar, obviously you should tell them right away.

    It would also be a good idea to avoid forceful guys who might try to get into your pants without your direct consent, I dont mean rape, but overly excited guys/etc. Especially because that kind of person seems to me like they would also be prone to be angry, but I probly wouldnt date someone like that in the first place.

    If I were in this situation I probably would take relationships slowly and try to find out if they are open to transgendered people before saying anything about it, and if they weren't open to it I might end things with out ever telling them.

    If I were dating someone I hope that they would tell me as soon as we started getting to know each other well, but I would also be open to it, and I would hope they would pick that up from my views on other things/personality.

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  11. I pretty much agree with what Drackar said.

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  12. Must be upfront for me. I would not be okay with thinking I am pursuing a romantic or physical relationship with someone who is trans-gender, even if they think they've completely converted. To me you'd still be a dude.

    It's deceitful. Coming out with it early should be as much a service to you as it is to people like me.

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  13. Its an interesting topic that impacts people alot these day.

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  14. I think if I fell in love with someone who was transgender it wouldn't bother me. I mean I can only be physically attracted to someone who looks female, but other than that I think I could easily fall in love with someone regardless of what they were born as.

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  15. Thanks for your comment on my blog. My comment here would be that while I definitely see your point on not being immediately upfront about it, I feel like the discussion needs to happen relatively quickly. Any secret you keep from someone in a relationship is going to have consequences for both parties.

    On the part of the person who is transgendered, they may get backlash. I don't mean unjustifiable physical violence even, but they may lose the person they are dating entirely and in a very bad way. Sometimes it's really not better to have loved than to not have loved at all.

    On the part of the person who is not transgendered, they may feel betrayed or untrusted. It may come as a shock to them. Even the most tolerant and accepting of people can be taken quite aback by a revelation of this magnitude, especially after a long period of time.

    So, as corny as it is, I guess I'm going to have to give one of those boring, middle-of-the-road answers.

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