So here I am getting ready to work on a Saturday I should have off, and I can't help but think how I'm not cut out for it anymore. I work as a debt collector, which is obviously a job that requires some thick skin. I'm not bad at it, but it's getting tougher for me. All day I listen to people's stories of the woe and tragedy they've gone through. Job losses, divorces, death's in the family. I had a 75 year old man cry on the phone because he was so far in debt and was a burden on his family when he was always the provider. And I just want to tell these people that they don't have to pay, that I can make it all better. But I can't, and instead am forced to demand money from them. And when they do pay it feels like I've stolen from them, that I've kicked them while they're down. And when I get my check at the end of the month based on what I collect I just look at it and think "That man could have taken care of his family with this".
It's just a strange feeling knowing how strong you've been and not being able to be that way again. But it's not all grim, because in turn I've become a better person. Now that I actually feel I've managed to have a long term relationship. I've reconnected with my father who I've distanced for so long for petty reasons. I'm an overall nicer and more caring person, so I don't regret this one bit. So all I can say for anyone else out there that prides themselves on how callous they are and how nothing bothers them, I can only suggest that you don't know what you are missing in life. It took me lots of therapy and medication to learn this and I hope you don't have to do the same.